Social Etiquettes from the Sunnah

Social Etiquettes from the Sunnah

Mawlana Rashid Ali Attari Madani

(Director, Faizan-e-Madinah Monthly Magazine)

Humans are social creatures and akin to cogs that must work together for communities to function and flourish. Recognising this natural need for social interactions, Islam discourages isolation and life on the fringes but promotes communal cohesion. To help us foster positive interactions and build strong communal ties, the Prophet صَلَّى الـلّٰـهُ عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم provides us with valuable principles and golden maxims. The Prophet’s life is a brimming source of morality, politeness, and high ethics towards not only fellow humans but all of Allah’s creation. Allah Almighty says:

لَقَدۡ کَانَ لَکُمۡ  فِیۡ رَسُوۡلِ اللّٰہِ  اُسۡوَۃٌ حَسَنَۃٌ

Indeed, for you following the Messenger of Allah is best^[1]

Positive social interactions are shaped by, among other elements, good manners when interacting with parents, relatives, friends, neighbours, customers, shopkeepers, hosts, guests, fellow travellers, and others.  The key is to, as the adage dictates, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Good social conduct is not just needed by human beings, rather it is a requirement of every creature on this earth. Without it, agitation, anxiety, persistent decline and becoming distant from the pleasure of one’s generous Creator continue to increase.

Let us learn the principles of good social conduct from the teachings of the leader of creation صَلَّى الـلّٰـهُ عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم . If the Sunnah principles of good social conduct were to be explained in detail in the context of the current situation, each principle would amount to an entire book. However, eighteen key precepts are explored here.

Principle 1: Only seek the pleasure of Allah Almighty!

اِنَّمَا الْاَعْمَالُ بِالنِّيَّاتِ وَاِنَّمَا لِكُلِّ امْرِئٍ مَا نَوَى

 “Actions are only based on intentions, and every person will only have what he intended.”^[2]

Principle 2: Speak well or remain silent!

مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا اَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ

“Whoever believes in Allah and the Final Day should speak of good ˹things˺ or remain silent.”^[3]

Principle 3: Always be patient!

اِنَّمَا الصَّبْرُ عِنْدَ الصَّدْمَةِ الْاُولٰى

“Patience is at the initial stroke of calamity.”^[4]

Principle 4: Be thankful for a blessing and patient upon a calamity!

عَجَبًا لأمر الْمُؤْمِنِ اِنَّ اَمْرَهُ كُلَّهُ لَهُ خَيْرٌ وَلَيْسَ ذَلِكَ لِاَحَدٍ اِلَّا لِلْمُؤْمِنِ اِنْ اَصَابَتْهُ سَرَّاءُ شَكَرَ فَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَهُ وَاِنْ اَصَابَتْهُ ضَرَّاءُ صَبَرَ فَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَهُ

 “The affair of the believer is amazing. All of it is good, and this honour is exclusive to the believer. When he encounters a pleasing matter, he thanks ˹Allah˺—and this is beneficial for him—and when a hardship befalls him, he is patient—and this is beneficial for him too.”^[5]

Principle 5: True strength is in controlling your anger.

لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ اِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ

“The strong person is not the one that is able to wrestle, but the one who can restrain himself when angry.”^[6]

Principle 6: Stay away from doubtful matters!

دَعْ مَا يَرِيبُكَ اِلَى مَا لَا يَرِيبُكَ فَاِنَّ الصِّدْقَ طُمَاْنِينَةٌ وَاِنَّ الْكَذِبَ رِيبَةٌ

 “Leave that which makes you doubtful for that which does not cause you doubt, for truth is tranquillity, and falsehood causes doubt.”^[7]

Principle 7: Give in charity whilst in good health and well-being!

جَاءَ رَجُلٌ اِلَى النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ اَيُّ الصَّدَقَةِ اَعْظَمُ اَجْرًا قَالَ اَنْ تَصَدَّقَ وَاَنْتَ صَحِيحٌ شَحِيحٌ تَخْشَى الْفَقْرَ وَتَاْمُلُ الْغِنَى وَلَا تُمْهِلُ حَتَّى اِذَا بَلَغَتِ الْحُلْقُومَ قُلْتَ لِفُلَانٍ كَذَا وَلِفُلَانٍ كَذَا وَقَدْ كَانَ لِفُلَانٍ

A man came to the Prophet صَلَّى الـلّٰـهُ عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم and asked, “Dear Messenger of Allah! صَلَّى الـلّٰـهُ عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم Which charity is the greatest in reward?” The Prophet صَلَّى الـلّٰـهُ عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم replied, “That you give charity whilst you are in a state of good health, in need, fearing poverty and hopeful of becoming wealthy. Do not delay it to the time that the soul reaches the throat, and you are saying ‘So much is for so-and-so, and so much for so-and-so,’ whereas it has already become theirs.”^[8]

Principle 8: Leave useless and unbeneficial things!

مِنْ حُسْنِ اِسْلَامِ الْمَرْءِ تَرْكُهُ مَا لَا يَعْنِيهِ  

“From the beauty of a person’s religion is that he leaves what does not concern him.”^[9]

Principle 9: Do not waste good health and free time!

نِعْمَتَانِ مَغْبُونٌ فِيهِمَا كَثِيرٌ مِنَ النَّاسِ الصِّحَّةُ وَالْفَرَاغُ

 “Two blessings which people waste are health and free time.”^[10]

Principle 10: Earn deeds in good health as it will benefit you in ill health!

اِذَا مَرِضَ الْعَبْدُ اَوْ سَافَرَ كُتِبَ لَهُ مِثْلُ مَا كَانَ يَعْمَلُ مُقِيمًا صَحِيحًا

“When a servant ˹of Allah˺ becomes ill or travels, (and is unable to perform his regular deeds) good deeds are recorded for him the like of which he used to perform in good health or whilst resident.”^[11]

Principle 11: Do not trivialise any good deed!

كُلُّ مَعْرُوفٍ صَدَقَةٌ 

“Every good deed is ˹an act of˺ charity.”^[12]

لَا تَحْقِرَنَّ مِنَ الْمَعْرُوفِ شَيْئًا وَلَوْ اَنْ تَلْقَى اَخَاكَ بِوَجْهٍ طَلْقٍ

“Never deem any good deed as insignificant, ˹such as˺ meeting your brother ˹in faith˺ with a smile.”^[13]

Principle 12: If you wish to safeguard yourself from differences, hold tight to the Sunnah!

فَاِنَّهُ مَنْ يَعِشْ مِنْكُمْ يَرَ اخْتِلَافًا كَثِيرًاوَاِيَّاكُمْ وَمُحْدَثَاتِ الْاُمُورِ فَاِنَّهَا ضَلَالَةٌ فَمَنْ اَدْرَكَ ذَلِكَ مِنْكُمْ فَعَلَيْکُم بِسُنَّتِي وَسُنَّةِ الْخُلَفَاءِ الرَّاشِدِينَ الْمَهْدِيِّينَ عَضُّوا عَلَيْهَا بِالنَّوَاجِذِ

“Indeed, whomever among you lives, he will see much difference. Beware of the newly invented matters, for indeed they are misguidance. Whoever among you sees that, then he must stick to my Sunnah and the Sunnah of the rightly guided Caliphs; cling to it with the molar teeth.”^[14]

Principle 13: Remain as the likeness of one body

مَثَلُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ فِي تَوَادِّهِمْ وَتَرَاحُمِهِمْ وَتَعَاطُفِهِمْ مَثَلُ الْجَسَدِ اِذَا اشْتَكَى مِنْهُ عُضْوٌ تَدَاعَى لَهُ سَائِرُ الْجَسَدِ بِالسَّهَرِ وَالْحُمَّى

“The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion, and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body feels insomnia and fever.”^[15]

Principle 14: If you are merciful, you shall receive mercy!

مَنْ لَا يَرْحَمِ النَّاسَ لَا يَرْحَمْهُ اللهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ

“Whoever does not have mercy on people, Allah Almighty does not have mercy on him.”^[16]

Principle 15: Take into consideration the rights and standing of others!

لَا تَحَاسَدُوا وَلَا تَنَاجَشُوا وَلَا تَبَاغَضُوا وَلَا تَدَابَرُوا وَلَا يَبِعْ بَعْضُكُمْ عَلَى بَيْعِ بَعْضٍ وَكُونُوا عِبَادَ اللّٰهِ اِخْوَانًا

“Do not envy one another; do not ˹deceivingly˺ outbid one another; do not hate each other; do not have aversion for another; and do not enter into a transaction when another has already entered into it. Be fellow brothers and servants of Allah.”^[17]

Principle 16: Do not oppress or deceive your Muslim brother!

اَلْمُسْلِمُ اَخُو الْمُسْلِمِ لَا يَظْلِمُهُ وَلَا يَخْذُلُهُ وَلَا يَحْقِرُهُ

“A Muslim is the brother of another Muslim. He does not oppress him, forsake him, or belittle him.”^[18]

Principle 17: Stop the oppressor and support the oppressed!

اُنْصُرْ اَخَاكَ ظَالِمًا اَوْ مَظْلُومًا فَقَالَ رَجُلٌ يَا رَسُول اللّٰهِ اَنْصُرُهُ اِذَا كَانَ مَظْلُومًا اَفَرَاَيْتَ اِذَا كَانَ ظَالِمًا كَيْفَ اَنْصُرُهُ قَالَ تَحْجُزُهُ اَوْ تَمْنَعُهُ مِنَ الظُّلْمِ فَاِنَّ ذَلِكَ نَصْرُهُ

“Help your brother, whether he is the oppressor or the oppressed.” A Companion asked, "O Allah's Messenger صَلَّى الـلّٰـهُ عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم ! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should I help him if he is an oppressor?" The Prophet صَلَّى الـلّٰـهُ عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم replied, "Prevent him from oppressing others; that is your helping him.”^[19]

Principle 18: If you err, follow it up with good!

اِتَّقِ اللّٰهَ حَيْثُمَا كُنْتَ وَاَتْبِعِ السَّيِّئَةَ الْحَسَنَةَ تَمْحُهَا وَخَالِقِ النَّاسَ بِخُلُقٍ حَسَنٍ

“Fear Allah Almighty wherever you are. Follow up a bad deed with a good deed; it will wipe out the bad deed. And behave well with people.”^[20]