A Heartfelt Plea
How to Prevent Family Breakdown
Mawlana Muhammad Imran Attari
(Chairman of Dawat-e-Islami’s Central Executive Committee)
The Chairman of Dawat-e-Islami’s Central Executive Committee, Mawlana Muhammad Imran Attari delivers speeches in Sunnah-inspiring gatherings in various locations and on Madani Channel. His speeches and advice provide solutions for moral, spiritual, social, reformative and religious issues. Here are 16 important points taken from them:
1. Issuing a divorce without a reasonable, lawful reason is severely disliked in Islam. The beloved Prophet صَلَّى الـلّٰـهُ عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم said, “اَبْغَضُ الْحَلَالِ اِلَى اللَّهِ تَعَالٰى اَلطَّلَاقُ” Of all the lawful acts, the most detestable to Allah Almighty is divorce.[1] There are also many social harms of divorce, so refrain from it as much as possible.
2. If the relationship between husband and wife is strained, they should act upon Islamic guidance and try to reconcile. If the wife acted inappropriately, the husband should explain the issue to her in a good manner. If the problem remains unresolved, the husband can sleep on a separate bed for a few days. The purpose of this is to give the wife an experience of what it is like to be alone as happens when a person is divorced, and there is a strong possibility that a lesson will be learnt and they will both reconcile.
3. If this method is ineffective, verse 35 of Surah al-Nisāˈ should be acted upon. This involves both parties appointing intelligent individuals who will act as mediators to bring reconciliation between them. If the individuals are wise and have good intentions, Allah Almighty will unite the husband and wife again.
4. Remember! Issuing an immediate divorce and regretting it later on is not a solution for resolving a dispute between spouses. However, if the relationship is on the brink of collapse and they no longer think they can fulfil each other’s rights, the husband can issue a divorce according to the method explained by Islam. More details regarding this can be found in Bahār-e-SharīꜤat .
5. The main reasons for divorce are the lack of mutual understanding between spouses, absence of trust and respect, and not fulfilling each other’s rights.
6. A third party attempts to create conflict and separation between spouses when they are in disagreement about something. If the spouses are in agreement, nobody can separate them.
7. Bad habits in spouses are like a nail in a shoe which causes harm and makes it difficult to walk. If they want their relationship to progress smoothly, they must remove these bad habits.
8. A home not only runs upon discharging each other’s rights but also the fulfilment of customary, social, and moral responsibilities.
9. If spouses check each other’s phones out of suspicion, this eradicates trust, which results in them becoming distant from one another. Trust is essential for a successful household; so how can their home be prosperous without it?
10. If a spouse makes a mistake, they should own up to it. If one of them becomes angry, the other should remain silent. If arguments occur daily, it is only a matter of time before it leads to a divorce.
11. When a daughter is married off, her parents should refrain from interfering with the couple’s lives. They should not phone her every day and ask about her household situation, and the daughter should avoid giving her mother news about her in-laws. In this way, the home will be protected from breaking apart. اِنْ شَــآءَالـلّٰـه.
12. The parents of both spouses must be just. If the daughter is at fault, her parents must advise her, and the same applies to the husband’s parents. Even if their problems are not solved, the parents will be rewarded for their fairness.
13. If the wife does not get along with her father and mother-in-law, or if the husband argues with his in-laws and the wife goes to her parents’ home, the parents of both sides must deal with this matter with wisdom. They must not flex their ego and prevent either of them from visiting each other until they seek forgiveness from their in-laws. Instead, they should suppress their egos, pardon and protect their child’s home from collapsing.
14. If the husband and wife have an argument and the wife leaves for her parents’ home, the parents of both spouses should play their roles in bringing them together. They should give them good advice, highlighting the virtues of their partner. This will make them realise each other’s importance, and it is possible this may make them reconcile.
15. If we refrain from anger, stubbornness and arguments, the household will not break apart, rather it will prosper اِنْ شَــآءَالـلّٰـه.
16. If there is discord between husband and wife but they have children, they should consider how many sacrifices they are willing to make for them; so, why not reconcile for their sake? The separation of parents can be extremely detrimental to children.
May Allah Almighty keep all Muslims happy and prosperous in their homes, and may He prevent their households from collapsing.
اٰمِیْنْ بِجَاہِ خاتَمِ النَّبِیّٖن صلَّی اللہُ عَلَیْہ ِوَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَ
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