Mutual Understanding

Dear Islamic brothers! There must be a mutual understanding among those living or working together in a family, organization, office or a factory in order to run the system in a proper way. Mutual understanding among the people working together in a Madrasah, Jami’ah or office etc. plays a key role in the development of that institution. On the other hand, a lack of mutual understanding causes many problems. 

Mutual understanding

When the people who live or work together understand and take care of each other’s feelings and emotions such as their likes and dislikes, joys and sorrows, etc., it is called, ‘mutual understanding’. 

Advantages of mutual understanding

If there is a mutual understanding among family members, it will create loving home environment. All family members can share their problems and difficulties with each other and can consult with each other regarding their matters without hesitation. Speed and quality of work in an office, factory or any organization increases and the organization makes progress if there is an environment of unity and mutual understanding. Mutual understanding amongst teachers, head and staff members of a Jami’ah or Madrasah improves the standard of education and a friendly atmosphere is established. In short, wherever there is an understanding, it will bring about only benefits. 

Disadvantages of not having mutual understanding

If there is a lack of mutual understanding at home, all family members feel uncomfortable. They are afraid of sharing their problems and troubles with their family members and hesitate to consult with them. If such an environment is found in an office or factory, it affects the production and the progress. If such a situation is found in a Jami’ah or Madrasah, it not only leaves a negative impact on the standard of education, but it also damages the personality of students.

Madani pearls about how to create mutual understanding

To establish an atmosphere of mutual understanding, it is very helpful to remember the following two blessed Ahadees.

1  O Anas! Respect elders and be kind to young ones, you will have my company in Paradise. (Shu’ab-ul-Iman, vol. 7, pp. 458, Hadees 10981)

2   He is not from my Ummah who does not respect our elders, and does not have mercy on our young once, and does not recognize the rights of our scholars (i.e. does not respect our scholars). (Musnad Ahmad, vol. 8, pp. 412, Raqm 22819)

Dear Islamic brothers! There are usually two types of people in the home or office etc. Some are elderly or have high status and some are young or have low status. If everyone behaves respectfully with elders and shows love and kindness towards young ones, اِنْ شَــآءَالـلّٰـه many problems will automatically be resolved. I plead with all devotees of the Prophet to be kind and respectful. With good intentions, respect your elders and be kind to your young ones. اِنْ شَــآءَالـلّٰـه it will help you to create mutual understanding with the people related to you and you will get many benefits in this world and the Hereafter. May Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ bless us with the goodness of both this world and the Hereafter for the sake of the Beloved Prophet صَلَّى اللّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم.

اٰمِیْن بِجَاہِ النَّبِیِّ الْاَمِیْن صلَّی اللہ علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم

From: Shaykh-e-Tareeqat, Ameer-e-Ahl-e-Sunnat, ‘Allamah Maulana Muhammad Ilyas Attar Qaadiri دَامَـتْ بَـرَكَـاتُـهُـمُ الْـعَـالِـيَـهْ

Nowadays, our society has made wedding expensive. However, if I exaggerate that Nikah is absolutely free of charge, it will not be wrong because it is not like this that if you do not have money, you cannot marry. However, it is obligatory for husband to pay the Maher in Nikah. Its [Maher] minimum value has been mentioned in Shari’ah which is two Tola and seven and half Masha silver or its cash equivalent which is few thousand rupees as per the rates of present time [Tola and Masha are units of measurement]. No maximum limit of Maher has been mentioned, but it must not be fixed so high that it becomes a burden on a man. Valimah feast is a Sunnah. Valimah means according to one’s financial position, one should hold a feast for his friends, relatives and neighbours in the morning after the wedding night.

It is not necessary to book a hall for Valimah. My Nikah was performed in a Masjid and Mufti-e-A’zam Pakistan Mufti Waqaruddin Sahib رَحْمَةُ اللّٰهِ عَلَيْه came at my request and performed my Nikah. We had a neighbour who had a big house. My Valimah was held in that house. I did not decorate my house in a fancy manner, but rather I only had few tube lights. It was the time when there used to be tape recorders so I used to play the cassettes of blessed Na’t on it. By the grace of Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ, our family did not use to follow the custom of (listening to) songs or music even at that time.

اَلْـحَمْـدُ لـِلّٰـه, We did not hold Mehndi and Mayon ceremonies. Alas! Nowadays, the situation is very bad. No one can even count the number of acts which are carried out during engagement, Mehndi, Mayon, Rukhsati and Valimah. These acts displease Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ and His Beloved Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَاٰلِهٖ وَسَلَّم. In addition to them, various types of demands from boy’s family are made to girl’s family. It is a different world. Sometimes, girl’s family have to sell even the household items to fulfil these demands and at times they are even burdened with debt, even then the groom and his family do not get satisfied. Parents do give some dowry happily to their daughter, but groom’s family should not make such demands at all.  

There are some grooms who make up their mind to remain dependent on their in-laws even after their marriage, and for achieving their purpose they gain financial advantage through their wife. Remember! It is not right for a groom or his family to make demands in the name of dowry before the marriage or to make any demands even after the marriage. It is a bribe to give any wealth or money to a groom or his family on the groom’s demand in order to be safe from the harm that may be caused by the groom or his family. To give and take a bribe are both Haraam. The father or brother of a bride who fulfils the demands of the groom is compelled to do so to save his reputation, for his daughter or sister’s marriage and to see her happy. However, the one who makes such demands is sinful.

Parents happily give some dowry to their daughter, but groom’s family should not make a demand at all. May Allah عَزَّوَجَلَّ give us Taufeeq to wipe out this evil of making a demand in the name of dowry and to make marriages simple and easy.

اٰمِیْن بِجَاہِ النَّبِیِّ الْاَمِیْن صلَّی اللہ علیہ واٰلہٖ وسلَّم

Note: This article, that is being presented here, has been prepared in the light of ‘Madani Muzakarah’ held on 1^st Rabi-ul-Aakhir 1441AH and has been reviewed by Ameer-e-Ahl-e-Sunnat دَامَـتْ بَـرَكَـاتُـهُـمُ الْـعَـالِـيَـهْ.